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Are we just not gonna talk about

Comment: how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?

fisherwife: credit @ icontime (Kept telling the ambulance to sit down)

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Kept telling the ambulance to sit down

Comment: and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her

Description: credit @ icontime

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I'm no doctor but

Comment: I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.

fisherwife: (he kinda resembled a guppy fish.)

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he kinda resembled a guppy fish.

Comment: I just couldn't go home with him after that

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other than the jail part

Comment: I had a really good time with you

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I don't think tits

Comment: should taste like fish

fisherwife: (Let us rub each other in fish scales)

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Let us rub each other in fish scales

Comment: and become mermaids

fisherwife: (he kept doing his monologue)

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he kept doing his monologue

Comment: "if a vagina could talk."

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He's at the gym.

Comment: He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

fisherwife: (you slapped the bag of goldfish away)

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you slapped the bag of goldfish away

Comment: and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up

fisherwife: (He painted a swimsuit on me.)

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He painted a swimsuit on me.

Comment: Naked day at the lake was a success.

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The joke is on me

Comment: because whale penis is forever in my search history.

fisherwife: (Your noise violation report)

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Your noise violation report

Comment: contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

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When you get to his house

Comment: follow your instincts. Find the cat first.

fisherwife: (the cops are being surprisingly chill)

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the cops are being surprisingly chill

Comment: about him hanging from a tree with no pants.

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I'm not saying I'm drunk

Comment: but I'm drunk

fisherwife: (There's a random table in the kitchen)

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There's a random table in the kitchen

Comment: and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from

fisherwife: (OMG I accidentally abducted a cat.)

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OMG I accidentally abducted a cat.

Comment: Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE

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Don't drag this out.

Comment: All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.

fisherwife: (We couldnt find you anywhere)

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We couldnt find you anywhere

Comment: and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"

fisherwife: (I found your birth control)

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I found your birth control

Comment: it was in your Crown Royal bag.

fisherwife: (i dont believe you. i want proof.)

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i dont believe you. i want proof.

Comment: if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.

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On a scale of 1-10

Comment: I’m at biblical violence

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if you go to jail tonight

Comment: call me. i wanna get out of work

fisherwife: (I have no regard for my liver)

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I have no regard for my liver

Comment: you should know this

fisherwife: (We need to feng shui this bitch.)

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We need to feng shui this bitch.

fisherwife: (He started planning our future midhookup)

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He started planning our future midhookup

Comment: you tell me how my night was

fisherwife: it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn (If my vagina was a person)

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If my vagina was a person

Description: it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn

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