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Keywords:

• Are we just not gonna talk about

Comment: how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?

Keywords:

• the cops are being surprisingly chill

Comment: about him hanging from a tree with no pants.

Keywords:

• I'm not saying I'm drunk

Comment: but I'm drunk

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• There's a random table in the kitchen

Comment: and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from

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• OMG I accidentally abducted a cat.

Comment: Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE

Keywords:

• Don't drag this out.

Comment: All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.

Keywords:

• We couldnt find you anywhere

Comment: and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"

Keywords:

• I found your birth control

Comment: it was in your Crown Royal bag.

Keywords:

• i dont believe you. i want proof.

Comment: if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.

Keywords:

• On a scale of 1-10

Comment: I’m at biblical violence

Keywords:

• if you go to jail tonight

Comment: call me. i wanna get out of work

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• I have no regard for my liver

Comment: you should know this

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• We need to feng shui this bitch.

Keywords:

• He started planning our future midhookup

Comment: you tell me how my night was

Keywords:

• If my vagina was a person

Description: it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn